INNER COMMUNICATING

September 21, 2010

Again its seems what I had planned on discussing this post is not what wanted to be expressed. I wanted to explore the idea that we always, even this very moment, have a perfectly functioning body, regardless of seeming appearances and visuals that say differently. Oh well, another day for that one. :-)

For a number of years I have had, as many of us do, the ability to have an inner conversation with something taht seems to be witin; the kind that seems to take place inside the scull. I ask/think a question, about anything, and a voice inside my head would always be there to respond. I have struggled with this for years as the ease for me to be afraid of 'delusion' has always been quite acute for me. The 'quiet inner small voice' has been spoken of by many as part of the awakening and 'guidance' process for as long as I can remember. The problem I had with mine was that the voice was front and center and not something very soft, coming out of some 'stillness'. I admit lots of confusion and difficulty, for a long time, re this. Maybe 'ability' is not the right word. As I said, lots of uncertainty and fear around the possibility of self deception.

I am familiar with how one form of communication taht happens in lucid dreams. While in that experience, just the thought of a question instantly brings an answer; always in a very satisfactory and fulfilling way. Discussions with others are telepathic and have a profound sense of 'knowing' where there is no room or concern with doubt or fear present. It/communication seems to happen in a 'perfect' way. A book volume transference of information and ideas can happen in a moment. There are not the inherent limitations of linear thinking and verbal language. [ a thought to consider here: We have agreed upon definitions to similar 'sound vibrations' we can make up with our breathing and mouths; however, all of us have developed our own slants on those meanings. No wonder there can be/is so much confusion in trying to understand and relate to each other; let alone the difficulties in making laws, rules, and regulations that are the 'same' for everyone.

I have had a good intuitive sense of guidance for a long time and could, and did fall back to that more gut level 'listening for guidance' method most of the time. However I always liked the idea of having a clear verbal voice question and answer method available. In fact I always have had a deep desire to 'scribe', in a word perfect way, something from the 'Light'. Had that desire since teens. What do I mean by 'word perfect'? I consider ACIM, [ A COURSE IN MIRACLES] something that was scribed in a very accurate way; though it turns out now there may have been man made manipulative editing of the text anyway, as there is now more than one version of the document available already. I finally settled on the view that if I was to scribe something it would need to happen via clair audio as that was the best way for me to know I was not interfering in the transmission. I have had the experience of clair audio a few times and know what it sounds and feels like. [ at least I believe I have; sheesh-there is that room for doubt again. :-)]

If I have expressed in a clear enough way you can get the gist of my personal struggles re inner communications with higher or greater Self, of 'Self', higher Self etc. etc.

That preamble brings me to last evening where, during a quiet time, a phrase popped into my mind from somewhere. It caught my attention; enough so for me to move to a desk and write it down. This is the phrase: "AFRAID OF TELLING MYSELF WHAT I WANT TO HEAR". Been pondering and mulling this ever since. It seems this may be a deep foundational core level fear in my psych; a key to more release from and dissolution of a self made mental prison .

to be continued later