AFRAID OF TELLING MYSELF WHAT I WANT TO HEAR. These words have had a profound effect on me. I ask myself now- What is it I want to hear? I want to hear that I am OK. I want to hear good things about myself and everyone else. I want to hear that suffering for myself and everyone else is coming to an end; etc. etc. I find that I am OK with hearing them come from someone else or a channeled message via someone else; but to hear it from 'myself' within my own conscious awareness and Being is not so easy. Am finding deep and strong resistance within me to hear that I am Lovable and Loving. This does not feel good however I am fortunate to know I am being affected by the large amount of higher vibration 'opportunity' energy flooding the planet. It is like; lets see- if a ball of truth is coming at my resistance glove it gets glanced off by inner resistance. Tis hard to find good words and even writing about this is difficult as thoughts are muddled and scattered. All in all, tis good news and time for focused inner attention and releasing what is discovered that does not serve me anymore. Time to let my defenses down. One of the personal insights from this is the realization I have focused on the idea/need to surrender to the 'greater'. This is an error as surrender denotes a 2nd force or mind I need to surrender to. Can clearly see now that what is required is a yielding or allowing myself to be transformed by the light of the greater Self. Huge difference between surrender and yielding. I have had lots of meanings and feelings attached to the word surrender.

Such simple misunderstanding along with the seeming hypnotic trance or mesmerized state can make it difficult to find ones way out of the 'traps' we have made. Will stop now as inner mental conflict is making it difficult to organize thoughts. I am going to do some of what I call inner 'stalking'. i.e. Shine the light of my own awareness on dark corners of my own mind/brain where I have been hiding from myself. Tis taking practice to do it from a non judgmental place. :-)
PD
ps. Had a wonderful turn of words, to me anyway, happen while in a contemplative state. It was as if the different phrases arose from somewhere and then over a few moments arranged themselves as the following. It is a 'call' to let go and allow.

WARRIORS OF AND FOR THE LIGHT, THE STRUGGLE IS DONE, RELAX, LET GO, ALLOW THE INCOMING RIVER OF DIVINE LOVE TO CARRY YOU ALONG, THROUGH TIME, TILL THE MOMENT ARRIVES WHERE TIME IS NO MORE.