Been struggling about keeping this blog up or not. Tis not the amount of time as I have lots of time available. It is about if this is the right thing to do; for ME.
During meditation this morning on this very subject this statement came to me.
REALIZE IT, BE IT, THEN TALK AND OR TEACH IT.
The above statement put it all into perspective for me. Right now all that is happening with me, the deep hidden motive within has been from ego wanting to see itself as spiritual, by speaking and sharing spiritual ideas. I am going to stop doing this after just a few days as it is of no value to add to my already substantial 'spiritualized ego'.
One needs to be the Presence of truth, to be a living breathing embodiment of Truth, not be manifesting the illusory sickly distorted manifestation of ignorance. Right now that is what I am doing and no amount of ego motivated expressions of spiritual concepts and ideas is going to do anyone, particularly me, any good.
The end.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
FEELING VULNERABLE
September 23, 2010
FEELING VULNERABLE
There are times when, for me, the habit of doubting kicks in. This is one of those periods for me. When I share what is going on inside of me in such emotionally and mentally intimate ways, I sometimes feel very vulnerable. I ask myself questions like: For what purpose am I doing this? Is doing this kind of expressing/sharing helpful? Am I just on some kind of weird distorted ego head trip?. Is anyone reading what I share? Is there any value in doing this? and on and on.
I have always been this way, wide open, honest with myself and others, [ does not mean I am not in deep ignorance though.] I can be very honest in a totally wasteful and useless way.What is it that is being honest? Is it the personality false idea of self? I have felt a lot of disillusionment over the years from my habit of being so open and honest; sometimes brutally so.
Who am I to share about unfolding truth, as I see it, when I am non Being/expressing a divine state myself, in the least. My health is toast, I walk in an unstable and rickety way. A friend used the word 'feeble' recently when we were working together assembling a bed. He was right. Something is happening with legs that seems to be removing strength and ease and coordinated movement. I do not want to face my Dr. as he does not know I did not take prescribed pills. Lots of doubting and related fear moving in me at this time. A friend believes I 'hate' Dr's. but this is not so. I do not trust the pharmaceutical industry.
I believe there is a 'perfect' physical self already existing, for all of us. A physical self where every atom, cell, organ and all systems work absolutely perfectly, even on the atomic or smaller particle scale. Perfect harmony prevails. It is the Christ or Buddha self. Actually those words/names do not matter. We could call our perfect self Fred if we wanted to. It would not make any difference.
Our perfect form already exists. Most of us, as yet, are just not perceiving our own or others perfect form. Most of us, including me of course, are not perceiving ourselves that way. Our perception has been twisted and torqued by our individual and collective mindsets to 'see' disease, decay, death and all the others kinds and appearances of 'corruption'. We believe those corrupted perceptions are 'real'. Everything in us has been taught to believe they are real and actually happening. They are not really happening. They are no more real that the images produced by a TV set or movie screen. They only appear to be happening in this 3 dimensional experience. Most everyone will absolutely insist that the appearances of sickness and decay is totally real. For most it is impossible that it could be any other way. The mesmeric and hypnotic trance state has been locked in place, in and for all humanity, for eons of 'time'. The memory of our perfect already existing physical form if so deeply repressed and forgotten it is as if it is non-existent; yet it is always present and available for us. All we need to do, to remember it experientially, is abandon our commitment and convictions in what is not real.
We have been programmed by forces outside of our sensed self, as well as by self, to believe in and support these beliefs. It has become deeply entrenched in our individual minds and our collective unified mind. We have believed that healing is a process of 'fixing' the disease parts or systems. We have come to believe that medicines, most of which are poisons, [ side effects] is the way to fix things. Kill the disease is the prevalent attitude. The very idea and concept of 'kill/killing is an impossibility as our conscious awareness of 'existing' cannot die/end. This is so whether we like it or not. We cannot choose if we exist or not. We do, period, and always will.
We use poisons to kill poisons. From my perspective there is lots of craziness involved. There is nothing that needs fixing. Our perfect form already is. It shows up when we abandon our convictions and beliefs in disease and decay as being something 'real'. They are meaningless illusions. We can do this by opening our mind, even by just a little bit. Maybe I am forever; I wonder if that is true. If it is I want to know the Truth of it. That much of an opening will cause, particularly at this time in our history, a movement within in that individual, designed by infinite intelligence and capability, to bring the Truth to that individuals conscious awareness in the most appropriate way possible. For me it was out of body and lucid/conscious dream experiences over 40 years ago. Anyone who has had a real out of body experience will vouch for the 'huge' affect it has on ones awareness.
So here I am, believing the above while showing lots of the illusory appearances of disease and decay. A part of me says I need embody these truths and BE them before sharing or speaking about them. There in lies the room for doubt and doubting. Tis all like walking through a mind field. Kind of tired of the trip. I am ready to jump off that train now. The question is: How and in what way do I make the leap. To the limited idea of self it can only come up in and around the concept of dying; whereas Spirit seems it as coming out of and waking up from a deep sleep.
Actually it seems no one is reading this blog anyway so my feeling vulnerable is silly.
A good place to end today.
FEELING VULNERABLE
There are times when, for me, the habit of doubting kicks in. This is one of those periods for me. When I share what is going on inside of me in such emotionally and mentally intimate ways, I sometimes feel very vulnerable. I ask myself questions like: For what purpose am I doing this? Is doing this kind of expressing/sharing helpful? Am I just on some kind of weird distorted ego head trip?. Is anyone reading what I share? Is there any value in doing this? and on and on.
I have always been this way, wide open, honest with myself and others, [ does not mean I am not in deep ignorance though.] I can be very honest in a totally wasteful and useless way.What is it that is being honest? Is it the personality false idea of self? I have felt a lot of disillusionment over the years from my habit of being so open and honest; sometimes brutally so.
Who am I to share about unfolding truth, as I see it, when I am non Being/expressing a divine state myself, in the least. My health is toast, I walk in an unstable and rickety way. A friend used the word 'feeble' recently when we were working together assembling a bed. He was right. Something is happening with legs that seems to be removing strength and ease and coordinated movement. I do not want to face my Dr. as he does not know I did not take prescribed pills. Lots of doubting and related fear moving in me at this time. A friend believes I 'hate' Dr's. but this is not so. I do not trust the pharmaceutical industry.
I believe there is a 'perfect' physical self already existing, for all of us. A physical self where every atom, cell, organ and all systems work absolutely perfectly, even on the atomic or smaller particle scale. Perfect harmony prevails. It is the Christ or Buddha self. Actually those words/names do not matter. We could call our perfect self Fred if we wanted to. It would not make any difference.
Our perfect form already exists. Most of us, as yet, are just not perceiving our own or others perfect form. Most of us, including me of course, are not perceiving ourselves that way. Our perception has been twisted and torqued by our individual and collective mindsets to 'see' disease, decay, death and all the others kinds and appearances of 'corruption'. We believe those corrupted perceptions are 'real'. Everything in us has been taught to believe they are real and actually happening. They are not really happening. They are no more real that the images produced by a TV set or movie screen. They only appear to be happening in this 3 dimensional experience. Most everyone will absolutely insist that the appearances of sickness and decay is totally real. For most it is impossible that it could be any other way. The mesmeric and hypnotic trance state has been locked in place, in and for all humanity, for eons of 'time'. The memory of our perfect already existing physical form if so deeply repressed and forgotten it is as if it is non-existent; yet it is always present and available for us. All we need to do, to remember it experientially, is abandon our commitment and convictions in what is not real.
We have been programmed by forces outside of our sensed self, as well as by self, to believe in and support these beliefs. It has become deeply entrenched in our individual minds and our collective unified mind. We have believed that healing is a process of 'fixing' the disease parts or systems. We have come to believe that medicines, most of which are poisons, [ side effects] is the way to fix things. Kill the disease is the prevalent attitude. The very idea and concept of 'kill/killing is an impossibility as our conscious awareness of 'existing' cannot die/end. This is so whether we like it or not. We cannot choose if we exist or not. We do, period, and always will.
We use poisons to kill poisons. From my perspective there is lots of craziness involved. There is nothing that needs fixing. Our perfect form already is. It shows up when we abandon our convictions and beliefs in disease and decay as being something 'real'. They are meaningless illusions. We can do this by opening our mind, even by just a little bit. Maybe I am forever; I wonder if that is true. If it is I want to know the Truth of it. That much of an opening will cause, particularly at this time in our history, a movement within in that individual, designed by infinite intelligence and capability, to bring the Truth to that individuals conscious awareness in the most appropriate way possible. For me it was out of body and lucid/conscious dream experiences over 40 years ago. Anyone who has had a real out of body experience will vouch for the 'huge' affect it has on ones awareness.
So here I am, believing the above while showing lots of the illusory appearances of disease and decay. A part of me says I need embody these truths and BE them before sharing or speaking about them. There in lies the room for doubt and doubting. Tis all like walking through a mind field. Kind of tired of the trip. I am ready to jump off that train now. The question is: How and in what way do I make the leap. To the limited idea of self it can only come up in and around the concept of dying; whereas Spirit seems it as coming out of and waking up from a deep sleep.
Actually it seems no one is reading this blog anyway so my feeling vulnerable is silly.
A good place to end today.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
AFRAID OF TELLING MYSELF WHAT I WANT TO HEAR. These words have had a profound effect on me. I ask myself now- What is it I want to hear? I want to hear that I am OK. I want to hear good things about myself and everyone else. I want to hear that suffering for myself and everyone else is coming to an end; etc. etc. I find that I am OK with hearing them come from someone else or a channeled message via someone else; but to hear it from 'myself' within my own conscious awareness and Being is not so easy. Am finding deep and strong resistance within me to hear that I am Lovable and Loving. This does not feel good however I am fortunate to know I am being affected by the large amount of higher vibration 'opportunity' energy flooding the planet. It is like; lets see- if a ball of truth is coming at my resistance glove it gets glanced off by inner resistance. Tis hard to find good words and even writing about this is difficult as thoughts are muddled and scattered. All in all, tis good news and time for focused inner attention and releasing what is discovered that does not serve me anymore. Time to let my defenses down. One of the personal insights from this is the realization I have focused on the idea/need to surrender to the 'greater'. This is an error as surrender denotes a 2nd force or mind I need to surrender to. Can clearly see now that what is required is a yielding or allowing myself to be transformed by the light of the greater Self. Huge difference between surrender and yielding. I have had lots of meanings and feelings attached to the word surrender.
Such simple misunderstanding along with the seeming hypnotic trance or mesmerized state can make it difficult to find ones way out of the 'traps' we have made. Will stop now as inner mental conflict is making it difficult to organize thoughts. I am going to do some of what I call inner 'stalking'. i.e. Shine the light of my own awareness on dark corners of my own mind/brain where I have been hiding from myself. Tis taking practice to do it from a non judgmental place. :-)
PD
ps. Had a wonderful turn of words, to me anyway, happen while in a contemplative state. It was as if the different phrases arose from somewhere and then over a few moments arranged themselves as the following. It is a 'call' to let go and allow.
WARRIORS OF AND FOR THE LIGHT, THE STRUGGLE IS DONE, RELAX, LET GO, ALLOW THE INCOMING RIVER OF DIVINE LOVE TO CARRY YOU ALONG, THROUGH TIME, TILL THE MOMENT ARRIVES WHERE TIME IS NO MORE.
Such simple misunderstanding along with the seeming hypnotic trance or mesmerized state can make it difficult to find ones way out of the 'traps' we have made. Will stop now as inner mental conflict is making it difficult to organize thoughts. I am going to do some of what I call inner 'stalking'. i.e. Shine the light of my own awareness on dark corners of my own mind/brain where I have been hiding from myself. Tis taking practice to do it from a non judgmental place. :-)
PD
ps. Had a wonderful turn of words, to me anyway, happen while in a contemplative state. It was as if the different phrases arose from somewhere and then over a few moments arranged themselves as the following. It is a 'call' to let go and allow.
WARRIORS OF AND FOR THE LIGHT, THE STRUGGLE IS DONE, RELAX, LET GO, ALLOW THE INCOMING RIVER OF DIVINE LOVE TO CARRY YOU ALONG, THROUGH TIME, TILL THE MOMENT ARRIVES WHERE TIME IS NO MORE.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
INNER COMMUNICATING
September 21, 2010
Again its seems what I had planned on discussing this post is not what wanted to be expressed. I wanted to explore the idea that we always, even this very moment, have a perfectly functioning body, regardless of seeming appearances and visuals that say differently. Oh well, another day for that one. :-)
For a number of years I have had, as many of us do, the ability to have an inner conversation with something taht seems to be witin; the kind that seems to take place inside the scull. I ask/think a question, about anything, and a voice inside my head would always be there to respond. I have struggled with this for years as the ease for me to be afraid of 'delusion' has always been quite acute for me. The 'quiet inner small voice' has been spoken of by many as part of the awakening and 'guidance' process for as long as I can remember. The problem I had with mine was that the voice was front and center and not something very soft, coming out of some 'stillness'. I admit lots of confusion and difficulty, for a long time, re this. Maybe 'ability' is not the right word. As I said, lots of uncertainty and fear around the possibility of self deception.
I am familiar with how one form of communication taht happens in lucid dreams. While in that experience, just the thought of a question instantly brings an answer; always in a very satisfactory and fulfilling way. Discussions with others are telepathic and have a profound sense of 'knowing' where there is no room or concern with doubt or fear present. It/communication seems to happen in a 'perfect' way. A book volume transference of information and ideas can happen in a moment. There are not the inherent limitations of linear thinking and verbal language. [ a thought to consider here: We have agreed upon definitions to similar 'sound vibrations' we can make up with our breathing and mouths; however, all of us have developed our own slants on those meanings. No wonder there can be/is so much confusion in trying to understand and relate to each other; let alone the difficulties in making laws, rules, and regulations that are the 'same' for everyone.
I have had a good intuitive sense of guidance for a long time and could, and did fall back to that more gut level 'listening for guidance' method most of the time. However I always liked the idea of having a clear verbal voice question and answer method available. In fact I always have had a deep desire to 'scribe', in a word perfect way, something from the 'Light'. Had that desire since teens. What do I mean by 'word perfect'? I consider ACIM, [ A COURSE IN MIRACLES] something that was scribed in a very accurate way; though it turns out now there may have been man made manipulative editing of the text anyway, as there is now more than one version of the document available already. I finally settled on the view that if I was to scribe something it would need to happen via clair audio as that was the best way for me to know I was not interfering in the transmission. I have had the experience of clair audio a few times and know what it sounds and feels like. [ at least I believe I have; sheesh-there is that room for doubt again. :-)]
If I have expressed in a clear enough way you can get the gist of my personal struggles re inner communications with higher or greater Self, of 'Self', higher Self etc. etc.
That preamble brings me to last evening where, during a quiet time, a phrase popped into my mind from somewhere. It caught my attention; enough so for me to move to a desk and write it down. This is the phrase: "AFRAID OF TELLING MYSELF WHAT I WANT TO HEAR". Been pondering and mulling this ever since. It seems this may be a deep foundational core level fear in my psych; a key to more release from and dissolution of a self made mental prison .
to be continued later
Again its seems what I had planned on discussing this post is not what wanted to be expressed. I wanted to explore the idea that we always, even this very moment, have a perfectly functioning body, regardless of seeming appearances and visuals that say differently. Oh well, another day for that one. :-)
For a number of years I have had, as many of us do, the ability to have an inner conversation with something taht seems to be witin; the kind that seems to take place inside the scull. I ask/think a question, about anything, and a voice inside my head would always be there to respond. I have struggled with this for years as the ease for me to be afraid of 'delusion' has always been quite acute for me. The 'quiet inner small voice' has been spoken of by many as part of the awakening and 'guidance' process for as long as I can remember. The problem I had with mine was that the voice was front and center and not something very soft, coming out of some 'stillness'. I admit lots of confusion and difficulty, for a long time, re this. Maybe 'ability' is not the right word. As I said, lots of uncertainty and fear around the possibility of self deception.
I am familiar with how one form of communication taht happens in lucid dreams. While in that experience, just the thought of a question instantly brings an answer; always in a very satisfactory and fulfilling way. Discussions with others are telepathic and have a profound sense of 'knowing' where there is no room or concern with doubt or fear present. It/communication seems to happen in a 'perfect' way. A book volume transference of information and ideas can happen in a moment. There are not the inherent limitations of linear thinking and verbal language. [ a thought to consider here: We have agreed upon definitions to similar 'sound vibrations' we can make up with our breathing and mouths; however, all of us have developed our own slants on those meanings. No wonder there can be/is so much confusion in trying to understand and relate to each other; let alone the difficulties in making laws, rules, and regulations that are the 'same' for everyone.
I have had a good intuitive sense of guidance for a long time and could, and did fall back to that more gut level 'listening for guidance' method most of the time. However I always liked the idea of having a clear verbal voice question and answer method available. In fact I always have had a deep desire to 'scribe', in a word perfect way, something from the 'Light'. Had that desire since teens. What do I mean by 'word perfect'? I consider ACIM, [ A COURSE IN MIRACLES] something that was scribed in a very accurate way; though it turns out now there may have been man made manipulative editing of the text anyway, as there is now more than one version of the document available already. I finally settled on the view that if I was to scribe something it would need to happen via clair audio as that was the best way for me to know I was not interfering in the transmission. I have had the experience of clair audio a few times and know what it sounds and feels like. [ at least I believe I have; sheesh-there is that room for doubt again. :-)]
If I have expressed in a clear enough way you can get the gist of my personal struggles re inner communications with higher or greater Self, of 'Self', higher Self etc. etc.
That preamble brings me to last evening where, during a quiet time, a phrase popped into my mind from somewhere. It caught my attention; enough so for me to move to a desk and write it down. This is the phrase: "AFRAID OF TELLING MYSELF WHAT I WANT TO HEAR". Been pondering and mulling this ever since. It seems this may be a deep foundational core level fear in my psych; a key to more release from and dissolution of a self made mental prison .
to be continued later
Monday, September 20, 2010
Today I jump in with both feet.
September 20, 2010
In blogging I can only speak of my own journey and experience in and through life. I cannot and would not ever tell anyone else what to do; not anymore that is. I have been known in the past to try and direct other peoples lives. Particularly in the small s spiritual sense. Oh, well; I have lived and learned.
A few months ago my Dr. prescribed medication for high blood pressure and high blood cholesterol. When in Drugstore to get prescription filled an odd thing happened. Everything within told me not to do it; not to take those chemicals into my body. This thought was not new to me but what I was experiencing in those moments was in a feeling and 'knowing' way something I had not experienced before. It was overwhelming. I did not fill the prescriptions [ after making a bit of a scene as I was really quite discombobulated and had to ask the pharmacist to reverse the order as I had already paid] and when returning home and getting myself settled down, I asked my own inner Self what and why this happened. The intuitive response was, put in my own words, : 'It will effect negatively on the reprogramming of the DNA and genetic components in my body and the rewiring of circuits in brain.' I had heard/read of this before re the Spiritual awakening process but now was confronted first hand with this circumstance. I chose to follow this prompting even though blood pressure reading had been very high, on occasion over 200/110. Medical profession says one can die quite quickly in this state.
That was a few months ago. Am still here and have not taken blood pressure reading for a while now. A friend did twice, over two weeks a couple of months ago, and it was still quite high; about 170/105 if I remember correctly. It 'seems' to me it is lower now but do not know that as I have not measured it since then and have no intention of doing so. I will trust in my own True nature.
It has been an interesting experience as mortality issues came up front and center. Lots of fear coming from deep within along with warnings from a friend that I would/could end up a vegetable. At times I found it hard to stay true to myself and guidance. I felt guilty, sometimes severely, for 'questioning' the status-quo and 'normal' world flow and wisdom. There is an 'aloneness' [ not lonely] that was very disconcerting; with its own set of feelings and fears. In any case I stayed true to my own inner wisdom and feel grateful and thankful that I did. It feels like a lot of personal power has returned. This is the power over my health and well being I had given up to the 'system'.
This sense of power came from accepting responsibility for my own Being. This power came from letting go of feeling like a victim and realizing more that it is, in Truth, impossible to be a victim, except in an illusory and make believe way. Most if not all of some deep fears of dying came up and have been dismissed/abandoned. I feel 'freer' than I have ever felt before. I find it quite interesting how we can be so trusting of the pharmaceutical profession whose main purpose is to make a profit. This can only happen when we take more so called medicines. I am not saying there are not some good medications, but am saying is we have been encouraged to give up our personal power over health, to substances, for profit, in a hypnotic way. This hypnosis leads to very little critical questioning of what is really happening. Have you ever noticed that the greater and greater success and profit in the medical industry is dependent upon more and more people becoming ill and taking more pills and other forms of 'manufactured' chemical medications. The success of the industry is somewhat dependent upon the failure of peoples health. In my opinion this dynamic is a co-dependent insanity, held in place hypnotically.
That is my blog for today. I was going to speak about something else but this seems to be what wanted to come out of me. If you read, thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.
PD
In blogging I can only speak of my own journey and experience in and through life. I cannot and would not ever tell anyone else what to do; not anymore that is. I have been known in the past to try and direct other peoples lives. Particularly in the small s spiritual sense. Oh, well; I have lived and learned.
A few months ago my Dr. prescribed medication for high blood pressure and high blood cholesterol. When in Drugstore to get prescription filled an odd thing happened. Everything within told me not to do it; not to take those chemicals into my body. This thought was not new to me but what I was experiencing in those moments was in a feeling and 'knowing' way something I had not experienced before. It was overwhelming. I did not fill the prescriptions [ after making a bit of a scene as I was really quite discombobulated and had to ask the pharmacist to reverse the order as I had already paid] and when returning home and getting myself settled down, I asked my own inner Self what and why this happened. The intuitive response was, put in my own words, : 'It will effect negatively on the reprogramming of the DNA and genetic components in my body and the rewiring of circuits in brain.' I had heard/read of this before re the Spiritual awakening process but now was confronted first hand with this circumstance. I chose to follow this prompting even though blood pressure reading had been very high, on occasion over 200/110. Medical profession says one can die quite quickly in this state.
That was a few months ago. Am still here and have not taken blood pressure reading for a while now. A friend did twice, over two weeks a couple of months ago, and it was still quite high; about 170/105 if I remember correctly. It 'seems' to me it is lower now but do not know that as I have not measured it since then and have no intention of doing so. I will trust in my own True nature.
It has been an interesting experience as mortality issues came up front and center. Lots of fear coming from deep within along with warnings from a friend that I would/could end up a vegetable. At times I found it hard to stay true to myself and guidance. I felt guilty, sometimes severely, for 'questioning' the status-quo and 'normal' world flow and wisdom. There is an 'aloneness' [ not lonely] that was very disconcerting; with its own set of feelings and fears. In any case I stayed true to my own inner wisdom and feel grateful and thankful that I did. It feels like a lot of personal power has returned. This is the power over my health and well being I had given up to the 'system'.
This sense of power came from accepting responsibility for my own Being. This power came from letting go of feeling like a victim and realizing more that it is, in Truth, impossible to be a victim, except in an illusory and make believe way. Most if not all of some deep fears of dying came up and have been dismissed/abandoned. I feel 'freer' than I have ever felt before. I find it quite interesting how we can be so trusting of the pharmaceutical profession whose main purpose is to make a profit. This can only happen when we take more so called medicines. I am not saying there are not some good medications, but am saying is we have been encouraged to give up our personal power over health, to substances, for profit, in a hypnotic way. This hypnosis leads to very little critical questioning of what is really happening. Have you ever noticed that the greater and greater success and profit in the medical industry is dependent upon more and more people becoming ill and taking more pills and other forms of 'manufactured' chemical medications. The success of the industry is somewhat dependent upon the failure of peoples health. In my opinion this dynamic is a co-dependent insanity, held in place hypnotically.
That is my blog for today. I was going to speak about something else but this seems to be what wanted to come out of me. If you read, thanks for reading. Feel free to comment.
PD
Sunday, September 19, 2010
more today
Sheesh again. No sooner did I decide and act to do this blogging thing, anxiety has filled me; along with physical pain. Anxiety is fear so I will do my best to allow, but choose to ignore its dictates and move forward. Choosing to express without having a 'captive' audience is new for me. Ye gads; they will have the free choice to ignore me and I can do nothing about it. :-) The flip side is: I get to say whatever I want, when I want. If it is true that the ALL THAT IS, is in truth 'one mind' and that we are all part of that one mind, I am being heard, somewhere and in some way, even though I may not be aware of it because of the current state I separation I seem to be experiencing.
September 19, 2002
BLOG
SEPTEMBER 19, 2010
It seems I am to start blogging and this will be the first one, once I find a blog site to use that is. Had an aborted start once a couple of years ago. Went nowhere, or more accurately, I went nowhere with it. Tried to find it; to no avail.
How do I know it is time to 'really start'. Maybe it is because I bought some expensive software a few months ago so I could speak and have it type directly. It is called Dragon Naturally Speaking. The software has been installed on 'puter doing absolutely nothing since. Sheesh that software has a lot of nerve, to cost me so much and then do nothing for me.:-) I spent hundreds of bucks for the top of the line version. Needed the top of line as the feature I wanted was the one that would let me record my voice, put the file into puter and have it hum along, on its own turning my rambling thinking into something that is supposed to make sense; in words.
Actually I have spent most of my life; 45 of my 65 years, trying to tell everyone there is more to life than just being human. Just recently I realized this was a stupid thing to do. Just went through some very intense emotional pain releasing the accumulated denied energies of rejection that came from that pointless 5 decade attempt. Yup, I am a slow learner. Now I can do it in a way where everyone is truly free to ignore me; and do it quickly and easily :-)
Well, am now off to find the best blogging site. I really like John Smallman's blog [Johnsmallman's Blog ] so maybe will look there first. Nothing wrong with piggy backing on someones else's coat tails. Is there?
Actually the real reason for me to start blogging happened a few minutes ago in a dream. I was out for a walk, in the dream, and promptly got lost and quite confused. I asked myself in the dream: What do I do now? Then I looked at the corner street name sign. The one that caught my eye said: ' Blogtime St. Bingo, I immediately woke up in my 'sleeping 'chair'. Now that message was quite strait forward. :-) No beating around the bush with that message. Tis like getting whacked on the side of the head. Well, I did ask for guidance that was clear with no room for doubt. Not much, if any room there for doubting.
I remember trying to create first attempted blog . Spent hours trying to figure out what to call it, [ THE INCOMING TIDE] and what to say. Got nowhere and did what I have always found easy to do; QUIT. :-) I so ignored it, it decided, on its own to get completely lost and will not let me find it now. Now I am just going to say whatever wants to come out in whatever way it wants to come out. Will not be concerned about proper grammer etc. No holds barred.
Way deep inside I want everyone who ever has existed to read it. There are sites where one can make money depending on how many clicks there are to read it. Maybe I will find one like that, so I can become instantly famous and rich. :-) Maybe I can learn how to use words in a way like the 'dark side' does and manipulate billions of others, just for the fun of it. Maybe I can find a way to 'whack' the whole of humanity on the side of the head and say: Hey everyone else, wake up- and then show me the way. Let me ride on your coat tails into the Heavenly State:-) Why should I have to work at it. :-)
In truth I have a need to express and do it in an appropriate way. Blogging seems to be the way.
Just found the site that feels right. it is Google blogger. Always like Google.
PD
SEPTEMBER 19, 2010
It seems I am to start blogging and this will be the first one, once I find a blog site to use that is. Had an aborted start once a couple of years ago. Went nowhere, or more accurately, I went nowhere with it. Tried to find it; to no avail.
How do I know it is time to 'really start'. Maybe it is because I bought some expensive software a few months ago so I could speak and have it type directly. It is called Dragon Naturally Speaking. The software has been installed on 'puter doing absolutely nothing since. Sheesh that software has a lot of nerve, to cost me so much and then do nothing for me.:-) I spent hundreds of bucks for the top of the line version. Needed the top of line as the feature I wanted was the one that would let me record my voice, put the file into puter and have it hum along, on its own turning my rambling thinking into something that is supposed to make sense; in words.
Actually I have spent most of my life; 45 of my 65 years, trying to tell everyone there is more to life than just being human. Just recently I realized this was a stupid thing to do. Just went through some very intense emotional pain releasing the accumulated denied energies of rejection that came from that pointless 5 decade attempt. Yup, I am a slow learner. Now I can do it in a way where everyone is truly free to ignore me; and do it quickly and easily :-)
Well, am now off to find the best blogging site. I really like John Smallman's blog [Johnsmallman's Blog ] so maybe will look there first. Nothing wrong with piggy backing on someones else's coat tails. Is there?
Actually the real reason for me to start blogging happened a few minutes ago in a dream. I was out for a walk, in the dream, and promptly got lost and quite confused. I asked myself in the dream: What do I do now? Then I looked at the corner street name sign. The one that caught my eye said: ' Blogtime St. Bingo, I immediately woke up in my 'sleeping 'chair'. Now that message was quite strait forward. :-) No beating around the bush with that message. Tis like getting whacked on the side of the head. Well, I did ask for guidance that was clear with no room for doubt. Not much, if any room there for doubting.
I remember trying to create first attempted blog . Spent hours trying to figure out what to call it, [ THE INCOMING TIDE] and what to say. Got nowhere and did what I have always found easy to do; QUIT. :-) I so ignored it, it decided, on its own to get completely lost and will not let me find it now. Now I am just going to say whatever wants to come out in whatever way it wants to come out. Will not be concerned about proper grammer etc. No holds barred.
Way deep inside I want everyone who ever has existed to read it. There are sites where one can make money depending on how many clicks there are to read it. Maybe I will find one like that, so I can become instantly famous and rich. :-) Maybe I can learn how to use words in a way like the 'dark side' does and manipulate billions of others, just for the fun of it. Maybe I can find a way to 'whack' the whole of humanity on the side of the head and say: Hey everyone else, wake up- and then show me the way. Let me ride on your coat tails into the Heavenly State:-) Why should I have to work at it. :-)
In truth I have a need to express and do it in an appropriate way. Blogging seems to be the way.
Just found the site that feels right. it is Google blogger. Always like Google.
PD
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